Someone like you: A Jogan fanfic
by If that mockingjay don't sing
Summary: Julian didn't want to leave that night, but he had no choice, it's 7 years later and his feelings for Logan have gone. Or have they? Rated T for homophobia and some self harm I'll warn you when those chapters are coming
1. Chapter 1

**Hello :) My Name is Alice and I hope you enjoy my little fic :) The other chapters come up earlier at ifthatmockingjaydontsing .tumblr .com if you 'd like to read them, but here it is :D **

The last time Logan saw Julian, they were yelling at each other.  
The last thing Logan said to Julian was "You stupid ignorant selfish twat! You don't want me to be happy!"  
The last thought Logan had of Julian is _I hate you. I want you to leave RIGHT NOW!  
_The last memory Logan has of Julian is Julian running out the room holding back tears.

The last time Julian saw Logan, his bags were packed.  
The last thing Julian said to Logan was "I love you, I want you to have all the happiness in the world, even if it isn't with me."  
The last thought Julian had of Logan is _goodbye my sweet prince._  
The last memory Julian has of Logan is kissing his sleeping form on the forehead before turning round and walking out of Stuart house for good.

**7 Years later Logans bedroom**

Logan shuddered as yet another blow landed on his face.  
"You _WILL_take your pills!" His husband all but screamed, he grabbed them from the dresser and stormed across the room to where Logan was curled in the foetus position. He grabbed him roughly by the neck and forced him up. He shook a couple of pills into his hand all but forced them down his throat. Logan was choking. Jacobs face smoothed out "I only do it because I love you." He pressed a forceful kiss to Logan's mouth and stormed out the bedroom and out the front door. Logan gagged as the pills unlogged in his throat, he threw himself on the bed with a heart wrenching sob and pulled out his phone. He scrolled down the contacts until he came to the right name. He held his breath as it dialled. He wasn't even sure of this number was still in use it had been 7 years. He reached up to feel his now swelling eye. _Maybe this time_. He sighed sadly as it went to voicemail. Again. He took a deep breath and tried to reside the sobs. "Hi...It's Logan...again..."

"And cut." Said the director hopping out his chair. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and ran off to do god-knows-what. Julian took his fake smile off and frowned looking at his phone.  
_**Incoming call: Logan**_  
He sighed running a hand through his hair. He let it ring to voicemail and pulled out his current phone. He never used the old one, he'd been through 12 since he'd left but he kept it. He didn't want to get rid of the only tie he had to Logan. He changed his email, home phone, he got his manager and publicist to change their numbers. He sent a quick text out to his wife  
_Filming finished early, be home in 40 – Jules xx  
_He pocketed it, not waiting for a reply and hurried to his limo, putting his glasses on and ignoring the paparazzi.

Logan sighed and hung up. He flung his phone across the room, hitting a wall. He rolled over to look at the ceiling replaying the memories in his head over and over  
_Logan woke up suddenly, feeling...odd...he hadn't felt like this since Adam...He looked at the time 4am. He sprung out of bed and ran to Julians room, knocking frantically on the door "Julian! Open up!" A few Stuarts popped their heads out their doors grumbling about the time. Logan didn't stop until "Dude, Julian left." He didn't know who said it but he stormed down the hall to Dereks room._

"_HE LEFT ME!" Screamed Logan throwing an array of clothes about. Derek just sighed rubbing his temples. "I don't need this now, I haven't had a coffee yet." Logan just glared at him, causing him to shut up.  
"He left me." Logan said again, weaker and quieter this time. He punched a wall, leaving yet another dent. He slid down it head in his hands "How could the bastered__just leave."  
Derek looked at him "Well I hardly think he did it for you." He spat. "You only think about yourself Logan! Maybe if you weren't so oblivious!" He trailed off. Logans head darted up, "MAYBE IF YOU GUYS TOLD ME INSTEAD OF CREEPING ROUND BEHIND MY BACK!" He retorted. Derek just laughed coldly "Julians right your such a squid!"  
Logan stood up, sizing Derek – who was at least 2 foot taller – up "This is your fault!" He screamed, Derek interrupted him. "No it's YOUR fault, you're too ignorant, selfish and oblivious!" Derek looked at the time "Now if you don't mind I have a test in 4 hours!" He pushed Logan out the room, locking the door before flopping down onto the bed and sighing._

"_Logan" Derek shook him slightly. "Logan"  
Logans response was muffled by the pillow and his tears. "I'm not going to lessons Derek." He mumbled. He couldn't let anyone see the red rims round his eyes, or his sore throat from crying all night. His head pounded and he felt like shit. "He left me." He sobbed.  
Derek rolled him over and enveloped him in a hug. "I know..." He rubbed patterns soothingly on Lognas back._**If only Juilan could see how much he meant to you...** _He thought. But he said aloud "I'll tell the teachers you're feeling ill." He lay him down again and left the room closing the door gently,_

Logan rolled over and dug through his chest of draws until he found it. The picture of them, the Stuart trio, he hugged it to his chest as the sobs enveloped him.


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's chapter 2, the song featured is broken strings by James Morrison.**

**Let me hold you  
For the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again**

Julian lay in bed spooning his wife who was babbling on about god-knows-what tuning her out.

**But you broke me  
Now I can't feel anything**

He thought back to Logan, how he was the only person he ever loved.  
Everyone dulled in comparison.  
He settled with his wife after much nagging from his publicist. "Either come out, or settle down."

**When I love you  
It's so untrue  
I can't even convince myself  
When I'm speaking  
It's the voice of someone else**

"I love you too." Julian muttered automatically as Linda turned the light off and snuggled down into him.

**Oh it tears me up  
I tried to hold but it hurts too much  
I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
To make it all okay**

Julian sighed sadly tears threatening to spill, he loved Linda, he really did, just not as much as he loved Logan. Logan was his everything.

**You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't** **real**

Julian gazed up at the ceiling. He listened to Logans voicemail earlier and it tore him up inside.  
He sounded so...unhappy and pained and...numb. His heart swelled thinking of the distant memories, he felt they were smoke, twisting up out his reach.  
He tried grasping them, only to have them escape through his fingertips. Lost forever.

**Oh the truth hurts  
A lie is worse  
I can't like it anymore  
And I love you a little less than before**

Julian looked over at his sleeping wife. He stood up, planting a kiss on her forehead before backing out the room,  
shivering at the familiarity of it all.

**Oh what are we doing  
We are turning into dust  
Playing house in the ruins of us**

Julian walked down the empty streets, illuminated by the streetlights.  
He ran his hand through his rumpled hair.  
_What am I doing?_

**Running back through the fire  
When there's nothing left to save  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When it's too late.**

Before he knew it, he was at the beach where they'd went once before.  
His happiest memories lay here.  
_Logan laughed and grabbed Julians hand, pulling him into the sea, he'd ditched his shirt and was only wearing a pair of tanned shorts, his muscles defined,  
Julian felt his cheeks flush. Logan just smiled and pushed him deeper into the water.  
Julian looked round and swore, spotting the paparazzi and opened his mouth to say something.  
Logan just saw where he was looking and pulled him behind some boulders pressing his finger to Julians mouth to keep him from talking.  
Julian looked into his green eyes, painfully aware of his heart beating 100 miles per hour.  
They were so close, every patch of skin Logan was touching felt like it was burning._

**Oh it tears me up  
I tried to hold but it hurts too much  
I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
To make it all okay**

Julian touched the cheek Logan had kissed that day.  
_"I had fun." Logan smiled in Stuart, outside his bedroom door He leant on tiptoe and landed a playful kiss to Julians cheek before heading into his room with the departing words. "Night Diva."  
Julian stood there feeling like his face was burning up._His wifes kisses had never felt anything like that one.

**You can't play our broken strings**

You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Julian sat down in the sand, gazing out to the sea, he pulled his phone out yet again to listen to the latest voicemail. Hand trailing in the sand absentmindedly

**Oh the truth hurts  
And lies worse  
I can't like it anymore  
And I love you a little less than before**

"Julian!" He heard through the phone. "I need you."  
The sentence was punctuated by a gut wrenching sob.  
"I just...I can't do it anymore. I know this numbers disconnected,  
but I feel...calmer...knowing you might be listening in, even if it is a small probability."

**But we're running through the fire  
When there's nothing left to say  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When we both know it's too late**

Julian smiled sadly, _I'm listening._  
"...I...I miss you..." The voicemail ended and Julian pocketed the phone, heading back home.

**You can't play our broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real**

The cold night air was harsh on his lungs as he broke into a sprint letting his mind think only one thing  
Logan  
Logan  
Logan  
Logan  
Logan  
The thoughts matching the steady rhythm of his feet hitting the pavement.

**Oh the truth hurts  
And lies worse  
I can't like it anymore  
And I love you a little less than before  
Oh and I love you a little less than before**

Julian slipped inside the house and quietly tiptoed to his bedroom, passing the photos,  
he paused looking on sadly, all of them he was using his posers smile.  
His 'Cheshire's cat' grin. Not one was natural.

**Let me hold you for the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again**

Julian wrapped his arms round his wife as the tears overflowed

Meanwhile 2 miles away Logan rolled over in his sleep.


End file.
